Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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