So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
