I wish I could teleport
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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