i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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