Fuck appropriateness.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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