In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
