I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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