I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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