I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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