there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
