she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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