i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
