Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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