He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
