ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
