you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
