So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
