Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
