Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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