he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
