His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
