I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
