Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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