Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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