don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
