ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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