i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
