she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
