Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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