someone get that fucking seahorse.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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