i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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