So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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