Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
