By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
