Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
