Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
