; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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