Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
