Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
