i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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