Just cropdusted the office
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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