K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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