I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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