Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
