She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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