She said her name was "party"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
