First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
