i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
