i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
