Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
