We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
